Ambien. No doubt about it.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
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