we're chasing vodka with high fives
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
