I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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