I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
