I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
