I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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