I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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