He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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