Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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