Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
