i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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