Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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