I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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