We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
