Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
