I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
