just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You made out with two different species that night
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
