i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
