I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
