The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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