member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
