If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
she pinky promised me she was 18
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
