Got a toothbrush?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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