so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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