Who wears a wallet chain?!
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
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