new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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