Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
