I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
