I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
