She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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