Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
