i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
