Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
