That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
