I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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