I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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