well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
