I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
