no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
