i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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