you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
