Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
