Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
