Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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