just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
