a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
