O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
