I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
