I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I wish you could order shots online.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
