Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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