Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
