Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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